The “Spoiled” Child

When a child cries, they’re not being difficult: they’re trying to tell us something. Let’s learn to listen.

I’ve often heard parents say, “My child is spoiled,” or I’ve seen children labeled this way simply because they cry frequently, seem unhappy, constantly want to be picked up—only to demand to be put down and run around a moment later. But why does a child behave like this?

When a child cries, even if it seems to us like they’re doing it “for nothing,” they’re sending a message, expressing a need. They have the right to ask for something—to be hugged, picked up, put down, to eat, drink, or change position—and we, as adults, have the responsibility to listen. Based on the circumstances, we can then decide whether or not to fulfill that request. But be careful: saying “no” isn’t always wrong or harmful.

The first thing a parent feels in these situations is the fear of making a mistake by not giving in, and above all, the fear that the child might suffer or be traumatized by crying. In reality, children must learn that not all desires can be fulfilled, that patience is necessary, and that they can rely on their own strength. This is a fundamental, formative experience: to desire something, not get it, and still be okay. This is how self-esteem grows—the child realizes they can cope on their own, which is very positive—and at the same time, they learn to tolerate frustration, an invaluable life skill.

Imagine a mother with four children. There will certainly be one—usually the youngest—she simply can’t run to right away. That child won’t be traumatized because of it; rather, they will learn to manage their impatience and wait their turn.

But is crying sometimes a sign of physical discomfort?

Let’s not generalize—not everything is a “tantrum” or a desire for something unnecessary. Take, for example, infants or babies who often cry to be held upright. It might seem like they just want to be pampered or are spoiled. But often the explanation is much more important and straightforward: gastroesophageal reflux.

From the earliest days of life, it’s very common for stomach acid to rise, causing discomfort, burning, or even pain (esophagitis). Lying down only worsens the symptoms, and the baby expresses their distress the only way they can: by crying, showing restlessness, and seeking to be held upright. This is a signal that, when accompanied by frequent spit-ups or hiccups, becomes an indicator of esophageal inflammation.

How can we tell if a “tantrum” is actually a symptom of reflux?
A baby suffering from reflux may:

• Cry frequently when lying down
• Have frequent hiccups
• Spit up visibly
• Stop crying when held upright
• Have colic-like episodes

If these symptoms are present, it’s not about seeking attention or being spoiled—it’s a real cry for help. Holding the baby in your arms, using a baby carrier or sling, or tools designed for this purpose (such as an inclined seat at 70°, like BabyUp®), can provide great relief and improve digestion and comfort.

Tantrum or a developmental need?
Some children, as they grow older, simply enjoy being held. That’s a valid request, but when it becomes constant and is not due to physical discomfort, it’s important to gently guide them toward greater independence.

We shouldn’t ignore them, but we should calmly guide them to discover that they can feel good even without always being held, and that there are many simple and fun activities to enjoy.

In conclusion
Crying is a form of communication, especially for children who don’t yet have other ways to express themselves. A parent’s role is to learn how to listen and interpret it. Sometimes it’s enough to offer comfort; other times, it’s about teaching how to manage frustration. It’s never about spoiling—it’s about guiding the child on a path toward physical and emotional well-being.

Credit to Belproblema.com