The Power of a Parent’s Gaze: How New-borns Perceive and Reflect Our Emotions
By Dr. Roberto Albani, Paediatrician and Gastroenterologist
Newborns shape their sense of security and self-esteem through their parents’ gaze, making it crucial to convey love, trust, and acceptance from the start.
New-borns may be small and vulnerable, but they are far from being passive or unaware. In fact, from the moment they open their eyes, they begin to observe, interpret, and reflect the world around them—particularly through their parents’ expressions. As parents, the way we look at our babies carries profound meaning and can shape how they see themselves. Let’s explore how our gaze and emotions impact our little ones and how to create a positive environment for their budding self-esteem and security.
A loving and reassuring expression fosters a positive environment
The Age-Old Myth of the “Unaware” New-Born
For generations, there’s been a prevailing belief that new-borns are simply tiny, unaware beings who can’t truly understand or respond to their environment. We assume that because they can’t speak or reason, our expressions or words don’t hold much significance. Yet, nothing could be further from the truth.
Our gaze, our expressions, and even our tone of voice communicate more than we might realize. Though a new-born may not understand the literal meaning of words, they are incredibly sensitive to the energy and emotions behind them. So when we look at them, even without words, they sense and internalize our emotions—whether they’re feelings of love, anxiety, acceptance, or frustration.
How Babies “Read” Us from Day One
A new-born is continuously observing their parent’s face, taking in every expression and nuance. Their sense of self is formed, in part, through how we respond to them. If we gaze at them lovingly and with acceptance, they absorb this feeling of security and worthiness. Conversely, if our faces are anxious, frustrated, or indifferent, they may start to feel uncertain or insecure.
Imagine a common scenario: a baby with reflux is uncomfortable and crying. As parents, we naturally feel concerned, and this worry shows on our faces. The baby looks up and sees our worried expression. Though they might not understand reflux or pain, they do sense our anxiety, which can amplify their own discomfort. They may even internalize the feeling that something is “wrong” with them, as they start to associate the parent’s worry with their own self-worth.
Building a Positive Self-Image from the Start
So, how can we nurture a baby’s self-esteem and create a positive environment? It starts with our gaze. Babies see their reflection in our eyes; they see themselves through our expressions. Here are some practical ways to convey love, trust, and acceptance to your little one:
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Look at Them with Trust and Confidence
Even if your baby is fussy or having a rough time, try to approach them with a calm, reassuring expression. Your confidence in their ability to grow and adapt can help them feel safe and understood. -
Speak Gently and Positively
Your baby may not understand words yet, but they are highly receptive to tone. Speak to them softly and warmly, whether you’re comforting them or simply chatting. Phrases like “I’m here for you,” “I love you,” and “You’re safe” are meaningful, even if the baby doesn’t grasp their literal meaning. -
Balance Your Expressions
It’s natural to feel concern, frustration, or even exhaustion at times. While these emotions are valid, try to balance them with moments where you intentionally convey warmth and joy. Look at your baby with delight and curiosity, letting them know they are accepted just as they are. -
Acknowledge Their Feelings
Just as we want to be understood, babies benefit from feeling acknowledged. If your baby is uncomfortable or upset, acknowledge it verbally, even if they don’t yet understand. For example, saying, “I know you’re uncomfortable right now, but I’m here to help you,” validates their experience and starts building a foundation of trust.
Why It Matters: The Long-Term Impact of Our Gaze
The way we look at our babies can set the foundation for their future self-esteem. Babies are incredibly perceptive, and they start building their sense of identity from the reflections they see in us. When we approach them with love and acceptance, they internalize these positive feelings, forming a base of confidence and security that will support them as they grow.
This doesn’t mean parents need to hide their genuine emotions. Babies benefit from seeing a range of expressions, as long as we balance them with warmth and positivity. Embracing our baby’s individuality, accepting them as they are—even in moments of frustration—communicates an essential message: they are valued and loved.
The Parent-Child Connection: Building Trust Through Presence
Ultimately, parenting is about building trust and connection from the very beginning. Through our gaze, our words, and our actions, we show our babies that they can rely on us and feel safe in our presence. The simple act of looking at your baby with love, speaking to them kindly, and allowing them to feel seen and understood lays the groundwork for a secure, confident child.
Let’s remember that babies are learning from us every moment, especially when we look at them. They’re not just observing—they’re absorbing. As we nurture their early sense of self, our expressions and emotions become their foundation for growth, connection, and self-worth. It’s a beautiful, powerful responsibility, one that allows us to shape not only their first experiences but also their lasting understanding of themselves.
Credits to psicologo in chat & Belproblema.com blog.