How to Look at Your Children
By Dr. Roberto Albani, Paediatrician and Gastroenterologist
Building trust through your gaze: a parent’s first gift
What does it mean to truly look at your child? Not just to glance or observe, but to meet their eyes with presence, warmth, and recognition. From the very first days of life, the way we look at our children carries powerful messages -messages that shape their sense of safety, self-worth, and trust in the world. In this article, we explore how something as simple as a loving gaze or a calm tone of voice can become the foundation for emotional connection and healthy development. Because trust doesn’t begin with words: it begins with being seen.
Every child needs more than care: they need to feel seen, heard, and loved. It all starts with a gaze that says: You matter
The Gaze That Welcomes: How Trust Begins in Children
Every newborn who enters the world is a person—not a “blank slate” to be filled, but a unique human being with their own way of feeling and existing in the world. From the very first moments of life, they need something simple yet essential: a gaze that welcomes and recognizes them, one that says, “I see you, you are here, and you matter.”
It’s important to understand how, through simple daily gestures—like speaking to our child or looking at them gently—we begin to lay the foundations of their inner security and self-esteem. Because trust in oneself, as well as in others, begins and grows when we feel loved, heard, and respected. In this article, we explore how, through everyday acts like making eye contact or speaking kindly, we begin to build that trust.
Relationship as the Foundation of Life
From birth, we are in a relationship with our child—not only to provide physical care, but also to look at them, listen to them, and help them feel that someone is responding to their signals. This mother-child bond is the primary nourishment for emotional and cognitive development, and it is essential for fostering balanced psychological growth.
Eyes that seek theirs, a reassuring tone of voice, a presence that is felt—these are what tell the child that the world is a place worth being in, and that they have a special place in it.
The Gaze That Builds Trust
The way a parent looks at their child has immense power. What begins as a simple physical act becomes a form of presence, of listening, of recognition. And through that gaze, the child feels “seen,” “important,” “loved,” and “welcomed.”
When a parent takes the time to truly look at their child, they are saying something that goes far beyond words: “You are here, and I am here with you.” This becomes the first building block of a foundation that will grow into self-esteem, confidence, and the ability to face the world.
Tone of Voice and Emotional Communication
The voice also plays a central role in building and maintaining the bond. A soft, affectionate, calm tone—one that respects the child’s sensitivity—helps them feel safe.
There’s no need for important words or long speeches. Sometimes all it takes is presence and a simple message: “I’m here with you, I see you, I love you.” Emotional communication isn’t about content—it’s about presence.
When the Child Feels Seen, They Can Begin to Trust
A child who feels seen and acknowledged, even from a very young age, is a child who starts to feel they can trust—those around them and themselves. Because what we communicate becomes a kind of confirmation: if someone takes care of me, it means I have value; if someone listens to me, it means I have something to say; if someone believes in me, I can believe in myself too.
This trust is built day by day, through small daily experiences. A gaze, a caress, a gentle voice—these are the things that leave a lasting mark.
🍼 A Message to Parents
Being a parent means embarking on a journey that will bring you face to face with your own imperfections and fears. You’ll quickly realize that you don’t need instruction manuals or superpowers. What you need is simply to be present—with your eyes, your voice, and your humanity.
Every time you look at your child with love, you are sending them a powerful message: that they are worthy of love. And that message will become a guiding light they’ll carry with them as they grow.
(This article is based on a Facebook Live session by Dr. Roberto Albani, who has spent years supporting parents and children in their growth journey—with an attentive, respectful, and trust-filled approach.)